"When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless.Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, "It is because the lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now." She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Because the lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too." So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." So he was named Levi.She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the lord." So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children."(Genesis 29:31-35)
You are in phony marriage. Your dad's crazy idea. Your husband was tricked into marrying you because your dad felt your chance of ever getting married was nil. Your husband is in love with another woman. Not just another woman, but your younger sister who was a stunner. That same younger sister everyone has always complimented on her beauty since you were kids, with only a slight nod at you for being present. It seems as if she loved her husband who didn't care for her a bit. She fulfilled marital and conjugal obligations. One wonders how painful it must have been, with her full knowledge that her passionate husband who could serve 14 years for another woman, didn't want her at all. While he was with her, his mind was on another woman. This was the story of Leah, the first wife of Jacob.
After seven years of a loveless marriage, her sister Rachel soon became the second wife. Her husband got who he wanted, but she had only one thing going for her, which her sister did not have. She was a baby machine. She was churning them out one after the other, each time hoping to be wanted, to be loved, to be honored because of her childbearing. It did not work. Every attempt to get some love failed. The loveless marriage continued. Rivalry soon came into the picture.
Everyone can identify with Leah's story, both male and female. It is the story of someone seeking acceptance, doing everything she could to gain some attention, to be brought into the circle, to be loved and to belong. It is the story of a search for identity.
First she sought for identity in marriage. It wasn't there. She sought for it in a husband. He couldn't give it. Then she turned to children. It remained elusive. She named all her children after what her heart cried for. The first one was Reuben, which meant "See, a son." She was pointing to what she had produced. Similar to how we try to find our identity in the things we've produced. Our talents. Our careers etc. Then she named the second one, Simeon, meaning "heard." She thought she would find recognition and thus acceptance. It didn't work. Her next son was named Levi, which means "attached." This too did not work. This is similar to how we try to find identity in who we know and are attached to.
Unknown to her, God was the one giving her the sons as a message of His love for her. But she wasn't looking in that direction. She was looking for love and acceptance with the people around her. She had a void in her heart that only God could fill, but she kept trying to fill it with other things.Finally, it seemed she got the message. She named her next son Judah, which means "praise." Then she stopped having kids.
You identity will not be found in men, women, marriage, children, career or recognition. Your identity is from God. You will find it when you turn your eyes to Him and in praise, accept who He has made you to be and who you are in Christ. You need to give birth to your own Judah and cease childbearing for acceptance. Cease working to be noticed, serving to be loved, and wounding yourself in the tireless pursuit of accomplishments in order to find yourself. Christ loves you and you are accepted in Him.
Decision of the Day
Today I resolve to stop my search for identity in humans and things. I turn my eyes to God who loves me. I will become acquainted with who I am in Christ for He has accepted me as His beloved.
This is very inspiring and eye-opening. Thank you.
ReplyDelete